“I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.” -Jonathan Safran Foer
hmm...It's been rough lately. I'm coming unraveled. I think too much. I feel too deeply. I lose myself in the rise of the moon. I worry about a woman I am trying to help who lives thousands of miles away, and the only thing I know for sure is that we do gaze upon that same big moon. I wonder what she sees in it.
Then there's politics...and I still cant get (NO, I am not going there)
And, worse, religion... I'm still a fan of religion free Jesus...even if that isn't so popular...or especially because of that. I don't know. Who am I?
And messed up in politics and religion are so many of the things that concern me--homelessness, genocide, women's rights, poverty, education... STOP
I'm taking two days off at the end of the week to spend a long weekend with Noah. It seems so far off, but it isn't. I know that, but I can't feel it. I'm a contradiction.
I can't sleep most nights. When I do, my dreams are bizarre, weird even for me. They connect disjointed memories and the fantastic. I'm 16 at Victory Life Church with my friend Harley the day our mothers came with us and then it morphs into a pirate ship and the whole scene is chaotic. The preacher is ranting on about divorce and there's yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. I'm laughing now, but it is 1 am and I want to sleep like everyone else.
Plans for the long weekend? none. I've always wanted to just park my car at the airport and buy a ticket anywhere, and we just might do that...or there's packing the tent and just heading south along the coast, and that is a possibility, too. I asked Noah what he'd like to do and it seems that taking the scooters to a park would be just fine. I love that kid. He has his first guitar lesson tomorrow night with Franklin Jarvis. Noah's excitement is palpable and contagious. He keeps me going, that kid of mine.
So, now it is time to lay these weary bones to rest...or at least try. I can work out how to reconfigure the world tomorrow. Tonight I am going to close my eyes and picture cool water rushing over my feet and the sand rushing out between my toes.
Good-night friends, Love and Peace to all, Krista
ps. My friend Jim Palmer is doing a cloud call with Jim Henderson April 12. Check out his blog www.divinenobodies.com if you are interested. Topic is his new book and religion free Jesus.
