Last night I made pumpkin rolls for what I hope is the last time this season and I had my first major screw-up...which was almost much worse than it ended up...when I poured the batter into the pans, I noticed that there wasn't enough for the third pan, so I had to pour it back... and add the sugar. It runs in the family. My mom has made pumpkin bread twice, leaving out the 6 2/3 cups of flour. She baked it like that (big smiles just remembering her telling me that it would have to stay my duty because hers didn't come out right). So my mistake was relatively minor, but one of the rolls just wouldn't roll after the filling had been put on--so I folded it in half and then rolled it. It's a reject, but will taste fine for family.
I have been awake since 3:30. I moved a heater to Noah's room. I made coffee (and drank most of the pot, so will have to make anew). I have a quiche in the oven for breakfast. The dogs have been let out.
The image in my head that tells me I need a break is there almost always these days. Everything that happens during the day has that as a backdrop. I'm sitting on a big rock at a beach. It is a beautiful isolated beach. Sand, water, trees. I'm sitting on the rock and it is misty. Sky is grey with a touch of warmth at sunrise. In my mind this beach is on a river somewhere...my brain doesn't read it as ocean. So, I'm just sitting there. I'm wearing an old wool sweater and crappy jeans. A few gulls dart over head. There is another rock a few paces away with another thinker sitting on it. I don't know who this person is...just a misty shape on the rock next to mine. We don't speak, but I somehow feel comforted by the presence of another and I really feel that deeply. And that is all it is. The image never changes.
I started seeing all this in my head sometime last year. It's comforting, but I can't help wondering why the beach isn't tropical, why am I dressed for winter weather, why can't I figure out who the other person is. And the image is quite bizarre with these two side by side boulders. It reminds me of that stupid Cialis commercial with the two side by side bathtubs on the beach. I'll never get what message they are trying to send...I always think that a better image would be two people in the same tub. I'm losing my mind, I think...or I just got up too early.
My own amateur interpretation: This is your source of comfort in every day life. Your every day life is not tropical (tropical would be an escape from the ordinary). It's just you in jeans sitting on an ordinary beach in crappy jeans--but no matter what, even on this ordinary beach in crappy jeans there is someone or some other entity there with you to provide comfort. Your "rock." Your source of strength and peace.
ReplyDelete(I'm not a psychologist, I just play one on the internets. You're not losing your mind, you're just tired--repeat this mantra over and over again, it works for me.)
Hopefully you'll get a day to rest soon.
You should charge, CBW!! (another day of blogger saying I don't have access to view this page)
ReplyDeleteI also had this thought as I reflected on this during my morning commute: There are two rocks, two sources of strength and peace. One comes from you, from within (the rock you are sitting on) and one comes from That Other Source, whatever label you care to place on it.
ReplyDeletePlease see the receptionist to schedule your next appointment, and be sure to tell me when that is, and be sure to remind me several times (but not too far in advance because my brain can only process a day or two of logistics at a time). Because I'll forget.
I think there's lots that can be read into that vision, and it's all good.