The mystery. My heart articulated by a friend.

Wow. What a beautiful today. The best part of today was finding the song of my heart...as sung  (written) by my friend, Amy Folk.  Amy and I happen to have the same heart (our model numbers are identical).

I never fully contemplated hearing my song coming from another human. I've struggled to compose it, to write it down, have it make sense to someone else. It's quite wonderful.
It's true. The music is playing all around us, all you have to do is listen-August Rush.

So...here is my heart in the words of Amy Folk, friend.


I need the mystery
The whisper that comes in the quiet places
Of sunrises and dreams
Of roses and mourning

I need the mystery
That says there is something
More alive than life
Something stronger than death
Something greater than myself
And Nothing more profound than love


Don’t take this mystery
And rob it with regulations
Taking that which is truly holy
Binding it with cords that you can understand
Breaking the sacred down
Into so much less
Than what it truly is
Just so you can swallow it


Please don’t try to tell me that
Broken dreams and broken hearts
Are just a result of broken rules


To me that is not God
All that is -is man dressing up


If God resides in
Quotes and lines and letters
If God resides in
Religion and denomination and structures
If God resides in
Dogma and dictates and decrees
Then who, may I ask
Resides in the heavens?

No, you may not have this mystery
You may not put an accent on this voice
You do not get to determine
Where it comes from or where it goes
So drop to your knees in the beauty of it
While love crushes you with the weight of eternity
Light blinds you until you see
What you never thought possible
Until you are reborn every day into the mystery

-Amy Folk

Strange days

Do you ever wake up thinking that maybe you are just too weird to be  Homo Sapiens? Today is one of those days for me.  I woke up, hardly knowing my own bed.  I couldn't say whether it was good sleep or not.  I drank coffee I didn't like and stumbled through the morning routine like I was living someone else's life. And then Noah shoots me a shit-eating grin and tells me a joke that is so not funny that I can't help but laugh, and suddenly life is better. The clock ticks. Noah and I escaped yesterday's near miss with the school bus (which gave him practice for the 100 m), but half-way to work I get the call: "Hey, Mom, we (yes he said we), we forgot my clarinet" so I just add that to things to do after my meeting...which really turned out to be a very nice and much needed count to ten and breathe deeply moment that lasted about 40 minutes (not the meeting, but the drive back home and then to his school and back to work).

I brought valentines to the human services department head meeting today. I host the January meeting.  Oh well, at least I didn't bring Fourth of July cards and fireworks. I ate 5 Valentine's Day Hershey Kisses, in white and pink, and red wrappings, hoping to find one that wasn't white chocolate-- which I don't really care for, only to discover the bag back at the office said they were all white chocolate. Ugh. And all that doesn't begin to account for why I really feel so weird these days, and I still want to articulate that, but it seems like every time I'm on the verge of doing so, I stop short and just don't, and I'm going to do it again...

I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that- yes it’s true I’m here and I’m just as strange as you.
— Frida Kahlo

 Yes, Frida, I am thinking about you today more than ever.

There is a top-notch piece of writing on The Rumpus called The Throwaways by Melissa Chadburn that should be required reading for anyone who wants to weigh-in on matters of politics, and taxes, and social justice, and about what this country is or isn't and what it could be.  It makes my head spin, and perhaps that is partly why I feel strange today.

Peace and love, K

Walking with reflections

It was a nice evening for a walk and reflections. I've been teaching fifth graders about the physical properties of light through some fun magic tricks this month. I've also been saying prayers that I somehow convey to Noah the importance of being true to his inner light. Noah is in sixth grade. Middle school is tough. Somehow it seems especially tough for a kid without a box. We took a walk in the early evening.



Miller Cove off Blackwater Creek



Miller's Cove with the Catalina that dragged anchor when it was windy last week.

Noah and his reflection

My favorite tree which is here just because.

...So in the contemplative mood, just hoping I reflect love more often than not.
Peace, K.

Waiting for snowflakes

Just pictures of last year's winter wonderland...

Wishing the dreary drizzly gray of January would pass quickly by.

On to February and the possibility of freshly fallen snow.

Making angels and snowmen...

Dodging snowballs

Punctuated by hot cocoa

The accidental burning of the seat of the longjohns

standing too close to the fire...

and snowballs in the freezer

waiting for a victim.

C'mon snow.

(and I really am one who is so much more in love with tropical weather)

I fixed it!

For the average person it's probably no big deal, but for me...it's huge.
My blog has been doing some wacky things...deleting posts...refusing to let me comment on my own post, not allowing a second comment, not allowing me to post as myself...yes, I've had to be anonymous on my own page. The vanishing post problem doesn't really break my heart (I've written numerous blogs that really ought to evaporate), but the comment thing has been driving me mad.
So I googled a fix...lots of instructions about locating and changing html code. For me lots of instructions always elicits the knee jerk no-way reaction. I can't focus on a piece of the instructions because my brain can't wrap around the whole. So I put it off, and put it off some more, all the time feeling like I couldn't focus on anything...because I was so focused on the problem (if this happens to you on a frequent basis, seriously consider talking to someone about ADD. That's a blog for another time. Hey, I just saw a shooting star.
So after many weeks (which could have been days or hours), I tried the fix. I attempted surgery on my blog. I opened dashboard, clicked on design, clicked on edit html, expanded some ridiculous widget, found the string of code I was to find, replaced it with new code. Found some CSS long string of something, replaced that with something else, hit save template...and then noticed I should have saved a copy of the original template first...oops...crossed my fingers and hit view blog... and...presto change-o... now I've got two comment boxes on top of each other, neither which work! And the whole page is jammed up. The thought of re-reading the instructions and trying again...well, just too much for my brain. So I hit the button for default template, not even knowing what that would do, not really knowing what my default template even was...
Well, it worked. The comment box worked. At least it did for a minute. I 'll have to wait and see...but if you are here...please leave a comment, or just say hello...and if you ever have this trouble with blogger, I'd say go for that default button and a glass of wine right off the bat.
I've solved a problem today. I did other things too--magic tricks teaching light to 5th graders (if anyone has a black magicians hat you would like to donate...), followed by a full service school meeting where I volunteered help in a sewing class (my co-worker, Jackie will kill me as she sews and I don't) and I also said I would make 50 coursages (spelled wrong, I'm certain) for the father daughter dance that the FSS committee sponsors. I made dinner, did laundry, helped Noah with homework...and now we are going to chill.
Peace and love- K

Could a greater miracle take place

I've been pondering this little gem all day:

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? Henry David Thoreau, Walden

And so I wonder...

If you looked through my eyes...
    What would you see?
Would you understand the pilgrim soul in me?
Would you gaze on my son with loving eyes?
Would you see the laughter in his step?
     Joy as he whirls about?
            all tosseled brown hair and soulful eyes...
Would you see hope in the eyes of the young?
                    Dreams in undocumented youth?
And Love on the lips of the sari clad mom as she hustles her child through the thrift store?
Would you see dignity in the homeless?
         Promise in the impoverished?
Would looking through my eyes let you know my heart?
Would you see how it breaks and mends in an endless cycle of rebirth?
Would you know me?
   

Beautiful Sunday Morn and Random Thoughts on the Key

I awoke (or rather finally dragged my sleepy self out of bed) to the wonderful strumming of a boy and his new guitar. It was 48 degrees inside. The heater had been tuned to fan only.  We stopped at Music and Arts yesterday on the way home from church for a pack of clarinet reeds...but Noah had his treasure box of money in the car...and when he saw the Takamine beginner guitar on sale...well, he solved the store's no-ones on a non-bank day dilemma and patiently counted them out.

Yes, we went to church. It has been nearly a year. Noah and I woke early and headed to Harbor Pointe Community Church in Hampton where my friend, Bert, would be speaking at the early service. We arrived an hour ahead of time, went to Buckroe Beach (which Noah knows as the hand-holding beach...for Hands Across the Sand...see here), and managed to get lost at least three times before finding our way back to 351 E. Mercury.  I was a little nervous all over again about the whole church thing...but needn't have been. Sometimes we put ourselves in the imaginary box. It isn't there at all. I promise.

Bert's message on belonging and living loved was exactly what what my spirit needed...and as it turns out, it was what Noah needed as well. I could elaborate on that, but the kid needs at least a touch of privacy and I'm not prepared to share the intimacy of his spiritual journey. Harbor Point was inviting, small, relaxed...easy.  Noah participated in communion for the first time. It was the most inspiring and soulful communion service in which I've ever been a part.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning.

So, today I am home with Noah. It is inching closer to 50 degrees in here. I just manged to spill 9 cups of coffee on the kitchen floor while still filling one completely and not a drop on the counter (Oh, the amazing things I can do). Noah and I both have big projects to complete. For me, it is an annual report for work. For Noah, it is a project for English class.  We will feed the animals at the farm, check in on our neighbor, Tom, and think about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The following is a quote from King's acceptance speech in receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964. I believe it resonates as strongly today as it did then: Sooner or later all the people of the world will have to discover a way to live together in peace, and thereby transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. If this is to be achieved, man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

Love is the key...to peace both at home and away...to happiness...to security...to freedom that rings true for everyone. Love is the universal puzzle piece...without which all life's puzzles remain incomplete.  I am a huge advocate of loving first, understanding later (insert big smile). As many of my friends can attest, that philosophy on occasion gets me into hot water (okay, so at times it is boiling).  For me, it is still an awesome perspective to which I clutch tightly.  It takes me wherever I go, enlightens me, opens so many doors,  but it is also a part of what sometimes makes church/religion hard with all the rules on who is accepted, who isn't...and I worry about making certain that Noah both knows that he is always loved and is able to love others different from himself...yet, church wasn't hard on Sunday. It wasn't hard at all.

I looked for Bert's message on Extravagant Grace to post here, but couldn't find it. What I found was really the best news in a long time, and I would do it a huge injustice to paraphrase, so read it here...and I hope it leaves you like me...grinning from ear to ear, jumping up and down on the inside, and excited about the possibilities that are present when LOVE WINS.

I'm off to the farm for some chores.  Peace and Love, Krista


 

Lee-Jackson Day...give me a break.

Lee–Jackson Day is a holiday celebrated in the Commonwealth of Virginia in the USA, for the birthdays of Robert E. Lee and Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson. The original holiday, created in 1889, celebrated Lee's birthday. Jackson's name was added to the holiday in 1904. In 1983, the holiday was merged with the new federal holiday Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as Lee-Jackson-King Day in Virginia. This merge was reverted in 2000. Lee–Jackson Day is currently observed on the Friday before Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, which is the third Monday in January. State offices are closed for both holidays. -On Wikipedia

So...I just don't get the Lee-Jackson Day. Everyone in my office has off tomorrow--except for me...Extension agents are considered faculty and miss out on a handful of state/federal holidays.

But really...Lee-Jackson Day??? Absurd. Or is it just the yank in me? I'm a come here.

Although I will be likely working on an up to the last minute Annual Report, aka eFARs on Monday, I technically have that day off...and so I will take the time to do something meaningful in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Last year Noah asked to watch the Dream speech on Youtube...and we did that again and again until I became worried about my data package. If we didn't share the same attention issues, my report would be done and we could visit the memorial in DC. I suppose an all-nighter or two could fix that...

Peace and Love (and enjoy the day off if you get it),
Krista

The Peace of Wild Things

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

— Wendell Berry